Friday, August 19, 2011

Cop Arrests Cop In Altercation

San Francisco, CA - A San Francisco mounted police officer was arrested yesterday after an altercation with another police officer. The arrested officer, 31 year old Harold Hammonds, was charged with assaulting a police officer, insubordination and excessive use of force. 
Hammonds allegedly was involved in a heated debate with Officer Biscuit, Hammonds horse. Biscuit apparently stopped during a chase to pee on the street, allowing a suspect to get away. Hammonds dismounted and became irate with the horse. Witnesses say that Hammonds slapped the horse after using profanity. On the second hit, Biscuit kicked Hammonds in the crotch, pressing down on his chest until a witness called the police to report the incident. 
When asked for comment, Biscuit said, “Neigh”. The SFPD is investigating the incident further. Hammonds has been placed on administrative leave until the conclusion of an investigation. Hammonds has a date in Superior Court on Tuesday for his arraignment. 
Annabel Lee is a freelance Journalist for the Baltimore Fake Times Journal. She tried to ride a horse once, got thrown off and kicked in the ribs. Last time she ever rode a merry-go-round. 

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Army Orders Dental Exam For Toothless Soldiers

Ft. Lee, VA -  A retired soldier received active duty orders to return to service in the Army earlier this month. With a number of soldiers being recalled to serve in the military, this does not mark an unusual event in America during this period of unease. What makes this one interesting is that the recalled soldier left active duty two years prior, and had a full dental workup before leaving the service. During his 18 years of service, he had lost all of his teeth during time in combat zones. The Army demanded that he proceed to Walter Reed Medical Center for a full dental x-ray and identification process. 

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

New Smart Phone Has Everything.... Almost

Taoyuan, Taiwan - One of the global leaders in smartphones released their latest product to rave reviews from the industry insiders. HTC launched their latest phone, the HTC Insurmountable. It comes with the largest touch screen on the market for a smartphone, as well as the largest hard drive and fastest processor. It is an Android powered phone, similar to their other products like the Evo and Thunderbolt. The phone is 4G, has a smooth interface and superior touch screen controls.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

1 Trillionth n00b Tea Bagged

Irvine, CA - Blizzard Entertainment, creators of the popular online game World of Warcraft, announced a milestone within the game. World of Warcraft, or WoW, has become the most popular online game of all time, at one point boasting over 10 million players. The milestone for this game was something rather interesting, and quite unique. 

Monday, August 15, 2011

Top Contender For Nomination Thinks Straw Can Vote

Ames, IA - Republican Michelle Bachman won the Ames Straw Poll on Saturday. It was reported all over the news that she had barely beat Ron Paul from Texas and completely demolished Tim Pawlenty, who subsequently dropped out of the race for the 2012 Republican nomination for President of the United States. A lot of news came out of Iowa over the past three days, including Sarah Palin making a stop-by during the Straw Poll and the fried butter on a stick, which has been reported to taste like a very buttery cinnamon roll. One story seems to have gotten lost in the shuffle.