Monday, August 15, 2011

Top Contender For Nomination Thinks Straw Can Vote

Ames, IA - Republican Michelle Bachman won the Ames Straw Poll on Saturday. It was reported all over the news that she had barely beat Ron Paul from Texas and completely demolished Tim Pawlenty, who subsequently dropped out of the race for the 2012 Republican nomination for President of the United States. A lot of news came out of Iowa over the past three days, including Sarah Palin making a stop-by during the Straw Poll and the fried butter on a stick, which has been reported to taste like a very buttery cinnamon roll. One story seems to have gotten lost in the shuffle. 

The story that seems to have been overlooked is that upon winning the Straw Poll, Michelle Bachman was overhead as saying, “I didn’t know straw could vote. That changes my entire campaign strategy.” This shouldn’t be too surprising from a woman who has a history of saying things that are strange, confusing or entirely wrong. 
Upon this being heard by the local crowd, Tweets were racing about how could a genuine candidate for President say something so completely stupid. One Tweet from BachGirl2012 read, “omg straw can vote. Lol #michellebachman”. There were many that were not safe for printing. 
When asked about it by a lone reporter, Bachman refused comment, instead talking about how she’s from Waterloo, Iowa, and that she was going home to thank her supporters. That’s all fine and dandy, but our reporter pushed a little harder, only to hear the same memorized line. 
Upon being told what Bachman was heard saying, an unnamed member of a rival candidates staff told Annabel, “That doesn’t surprise me. She’s not exactly the sharpest knife in the drawer, and she’s in her own drawer.” 
Similar to the campaigns of George W. Bush, the population of non-supporters have already begun building and releasing Bachmanisms, similar to Bushism, where she says things that make no sense or that are completely laughable. Said the unnamed rival staffer, “With Bush, you had to worry about him mispronouncing ‘nuclear’. With Bachman, you have to worry about her saying that Earth is largest planet in the solar system or that the Civil War started in Paris, France.”
Annabel Lee is a freelance journalist for the Baltimore Fake Times Journal. She loves listening to candidates who refuse to answer questions. Talking points are not answers people, they’re barely talking points. 
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