tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24057465708749418722023-11-15T08:04:23.092-05:00Annabel Lee PressHome of the Baltimore Fake Times Journal.Annabel Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00005324508859757329noreply@blogger.comBlogger81125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2405746570874941872.post-82806146699323580312011-08-19T12:21:00.000-04:002011-08-19T12:21:31.427-04:00Cop Arrests Cop In Altercation<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br />
<div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;"><b>San Francisco, CA - </b>A San Francisco mounted police officer was arrested yesterday after an altercation with another police officer. The arrested officer, 31 year old Harold Hammonds, was charged with assaulting a police officer, insubordination and excessive use of force. </div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">Hammonds allegedly was involved in a heated debate with Officer Biscuit, Hammonds horse. Biscuit apparently stopped during a chase to pee on the street, allowing a suspect to get away. Hammonds dismounted and became irate with the horse. Witnesses say that Hammonds slapped the horse after using profanity. On the second hit, Biscuit kicked Hammonds in the crotch, pressing down on his chest until a witness called the police to report the incident. </div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">When asked for comment, Biscuit said, “Neigh”. The SFPD is investigating the incident further. Hammonds has been placed on administrative leave until the conclusion of an investigation. Hammonds has a date in Superior Court on Tuesday for his arraignment. </div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;"><i>Annabel Lee is a freelance Journalist for the Baltimore Fake Times Journal. She tried to ride a horse once, got thrown off and kicked in the ribs. Last time she ever rode a merry-go-round. </i></div></div>Annabel Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00005324508859757329noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2405746570874941872.post-85968485185686785912011-08-18T11:35:00.000-04:002011-08-18T11:35:31.579-04:00Army Orders Dental Exam For Toothless Soldiers<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br />
<div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;"><b>Ft. Lee, VA - </b> A retired soldier received active duty orders to return to service in the Army earlier this month. With a number of soldiers being recalled to serve in the military, this does not mark an unusual event in America during this period of unease. What makes this one interesting is that the recalled soldier left active duty two years prior, and had a full dental workup before leaving the service. During his 18 years of service, he had lost all of his teeth during time in combat zones. The Army demanded that he proceed to Walter Reed Medical Center for a full dental x-ray and identification process. </div><a name='more'></a><br />
<div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">“I don’t understand why I need a full dental x-ray when I have no teeth, and the Army knows that,” said Col. Reginald Harris III. “I served the country, I lost my teeth as a result of that service. Now they’re calling me back and humiliating me in the process.”</div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">Harris lost all of his teeth serving in various climates as a special forces soldier. Some were the result of close quarters combat, where Harris was hit in the face with objects such as guns and fists. Other teeth were pulled by the military as a result of poor dental hygiene in these various environments, while others fell out do to a recessive gum disease. </div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">Army spokesperson, Sgt. Wilkinson, stated that it was routine procedure for any new and recalled soldiers to have x-rays before returning to duty. “It is the policy of the Army to have a current set of dental records for identification. Even with no teeth, Col. Harris is required to have the same procedure performed. Even in the age of DNA testing, the military relies first on dental records, as it is cheaper and more time efficient.”</div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">“Oh, I’ll report when it’s time and I’ll make my appointment. But that doesn’t mean I have to be happy about it,” Harris said through a new pair of dentures provided by the Veteran’s Administration. </div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;"><i>Annabel Lee is a freelance journalist for the Baltimore Fake Times Journal. Having served in the military, she knows there are some odd requirements. Like bald men being required to bring shampoo and combs in their deployment bags, even if they are completely and naturally bald. </i></div></div>Annabel Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00005324508859757329noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2405746570874941872.post-18296224062054734992011-08-17T11:18:00.000-04:002011-08-17T11:18:08.286-04:00New Smart Phone Has Everything.... Almost<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br />
<div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;"><b>Taoyuan, Taiwan - </b>One of the global leaders in smartphones released their latest product to rave reviews from the industry insiders. HTC launched their latest phone, the HTC Insurmountable. It comes with the largest touch screen on the market for a smartphone, as well as the largest hard drive and fastest processor. It is an Android powered phone, similar to their other products like the Evo and Thunderbolt. The phone is 4G, has a smooth interface and superior touch screen controls.</div><a name='more'></a><br />
<div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">The phone comes preloaded with tons of apps and software, giving it an advantage over other phones during the first few days of ownership. The phone has changed things for the industry. With all the positives for the phone, there was one glaring omission in the entire production and usage of the phone. The phone doesn’t make phone calls. </div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">That’s right. The phone does not make phone calls. It comes with VOiP software and other communication programs, but there is not a standard telephone feature for the phone. When asked if this was intentional, an HTC spokeswoman read the following statement. </div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">“We believe that the future of smartphones is not in the voice feature over traditional means. We see the future in text and voice over internet, meaning that the standard telephone call is no longer important to communication. The majority of users are spending more time using apps and text messaging, and that is what this phone is geared to.”</div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">Industry insiders seem to agree with HTC’s view of the future. They have given the Insurmountable the highest ratings of any phones, ahead of even the ratings given to the iPhone 4 from Apple when it was released. The Insurmountable will be available exclusively through AT&T, with the Insurmountable II coming out two months later for Verizon. The retail price is expected to be around $700, which is really pricy for a smartphone that doesn’t include talking. </div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;"><i>Annabel Lee is a freelance journalist for the Baltimore Fake Times Journal. She has an iPhone 4 and really likes it. She doesn’t have anything against Android powered phones, though she’s yet to find one that she likes more than her Apple product. Yup, she’s an Apple tool.</i></div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 15.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;"><i></i></div></div>Annabel Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00005324508859757329noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2405746570874941872.post-49840406539628700052011-08-16T09:49:00.000-04:002011-08-16T09:49:48.312-04:001 Trillionth n00b Tea Bagged<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br />
<div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;"><b>Irvine, CA - </b>Blizzard Entertainment, creators of the popular online game World of Warcraft, announced a milestone within the game. World of Warcraft, or WoW, has become the most popular online game of all time, at one point boasting over 10 million players. The milestone for this game was something rather interesting, and quite unique. </div><a name='more'></a><br />
<div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">The announcement stated that the 1 trillionth n00b was tea bagged. For those who don’t understand MMORPG, short for Massive Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game, terminology, we will explain what this means. A n00b, as they are called, is a new player to the game. Usually someone who is lower level or does something that a veteran player considers to be a mistake or foolish. It could also be a term used for a player who has gear that is not as elite as one of the veteran players. </div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">Tea bagging is one of those terms that is used as a way of taunting someone in a game. Usually, it involves dancing or sitting on top of a fallen person in the game. It is also slang for placing a scrotum on ones face or forehead, typically when someone is asleep. In the video game world, this is common when two players are fighting one another, or when someone dies as a result of doing something stupid. </div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">Why Blizzard would announce this as an event, one can only speculate. It could be the game giant acknowledging the people who play the game and the culture, or it could be as a way of attempting to reach new players and bring back deserters to other games, such as the Halo franchise. </div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">Blizzard has seen a decline in their membership as increased competition has made it’s way to the market. Smartphones have changed the way people play games, and WoW membership has fallen before 8 million for the first time in nearly three years. This marks the first significant loss of players for Blizzard in the history of the franchise. </div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">Parents are concerned with this announcement, as it may be inappropriate for some children. Blizzard says the announcement is made out of jest and fun, using terms the players of the games use. No answer on when teabagging n00bs became an official statistic in the World of Warcraft. </div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">What do you think of Blizzards announcement? Leave your comments below.</div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;"><i>Annabel Lee is a freelance journalist for the Baltimore Fake Times Journal. She used to play WoW in the past, having a level 80 Blood Elf Death Knight before she realized the game was boring and quit. </i></div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 15.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;"><i></i></div></div>Annabel Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00005324508859757329noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2405746570874941872.post-36351508613918375012011-08-15T11:03:00.000-04:002011-08-15T11:03:29.192-04:00Top Contender For Nomination Thinks Straw Can Vote<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br />
<div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;"><b>Ames, IA - </b>Republican Michelle Bachman won the Ames Straw Poll on Saturday. It was reported all over the news that she had barely beat Ron Paul from Texas and completely demolished Tim Pawlenty, who subsequently dropped out of the race for the 2012 Republican nomination for President of the United States. A lot of news came out of Iowa over the past three days, including Sarah Palin making a stop-by during the Straw Poll and the fried butter on a stick, which has been reported to taste like a very buttery cinnamon roll. One story seems to have gotten lost in the shuffle. </div><a name='more'></a><br />
<div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">The story that seems to have been overlooked is that upon winning the Straw Poll, Michelle Bachman was overhead as saying, “I didn’t know straw could vote. That changes my entire campaign strategy.” This shouldn’t be too surprising from a woman who has a history of saying things that are strange, confusing or entirely wrong. </div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">Upon this being heard by the local crowd, Tweets were racing about how could a genuine candidate for President say something so completely stupid. One Tweet from BachGirl2012 read, “omg straw can vote. Lol #michellebachman”. There were many that were not safe for printing. </div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">When asked about it by a lone reporter, Bachman refused comment, instead talking about how she’s from Waterloo, Iowa, and that she was going home to thank her supporters. That’s all fine and dandy, but our reporter pushed a little harder, only to hear the same memorized line. </div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">Upon being told what Bachman was heard saying, an unnamed member of a rival candidates staff told Annabel, “That doesn’t surprise me. She’s not exactly the sharpest knife in the drawer, and she’s in her own drawer.” </div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">Similar to the campaigns of George W. Bush, the population of non-supporters have already begun building and releasing Bachmanisms, similar to Bushism, where she says things that make no sense or that are completely laughable. Said the unnamed rival staffer, “With Bush, you had to worry about him mispronouncing ‘nuclear’. With Bachman, you have to worry about her saying that Earth is largest planet in the solar system or that the Civil War started in Paris, France.”</div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;"><i>Annabel Lee is a freelance journalist for the Baltimore Fake Times Journal. She loves listening to candidates who refuse to answer questions. Talking points are not answers people, they’re barely talking points. </i></div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 15.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;"><i></i></div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;"><i>Help keep the Baltimore Fake Times Journal (BFTJ) free. Support our sponsors and help in keeping new articles coming. </i></div></div>Annabel Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00005324508859757329noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2405746570874941872.post-49407890300708232932011-08-12T11:35:00.000-04:002011-08-12T11:35:09.317-04:00Unusual Twins Born In Wyoming<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br />
<div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;"><b>Casper, WY - </b>A white couple gave birth to a pair of black twins on August 3<span style="font: 9.0px Optima;"><sup>rd</sup></span>. The twins were confirmed as being delivered to the parents through natural child birth at Casper Regional Hospital. The couple, Jack and Sarah Culpepper, were described as being pale white Anglo-Saxon descended adults. The twins, a boy named Harry and a girl named Sally, were both very African American in appearance. </div><a name='more'></a><br />
<div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">Doctors performed a DNA test on both children to determine if there was a mistake in the delivery of the children. Both children were confirmed as being the offspring of both parents. The testing was conclusive in both regards. A scientist in Genealogy with the University of Wyoming told reporters that if two genes are present, there is always a chance that it will become a trait, even if the genes are recessive or not as present in the DNA strand as other genes.</div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">When questioned about whether both these parents were recessive gene holders of the darker skin trait, the scientist only said he couldn’t be certain without map both parents DNA strand and analyzing the underlying elements.</div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">This is not the first time that a couple has given birth to a child whose skin tone is vastly different. In 2004, a hispanic couple in Mexico City, Mexico gave birth to children who were almost completely white, though not albino. In 1993, a Japanese woman gave birth to a girl who looked Arabic in appearance. This did mark the first time that twins were born with this affliction. Scientists still don’t truly understand exactly what causes this, nor have they given a name to the event. </div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">In any regards, Harry and Sally will have a loving home in the wide open spaces of Wyoming.</div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;"><i>Annabel Lee is a freelance journalist for the Baltimore Fake Times Journal. She has been to Wyoming and loved it. She would love to move there one day and retire. </i> </div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 15.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;"><i>Help keep the Baltimore Fake Times Journal (BFTJ) free. Support our sponsors and help in keeping new articles coming. </i></div></div>Annabel Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00005324508859757329noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2405746570874941872.post-57771900222324055522011-08-11T11:45:00.000-04:002011-08-11T11:45:14.109-04:00First Evolution, Now Gravity? New Christian Agenda Revealed<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br />
<div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;"><b>Topeka, KS - </b>A new conservative push against science has taken hold in Kansas. Over the past 150 years, conservatives have gone toe-to-toe with believers of Charles Darwin’s “Theory of Evolution”. Kansas now requires the conservative alternative of “Intelligent Design” to be taught in school along side evolution. The next step in the push against science is aimed at famed physicist and mathematician Sir Isaac Newton. </div><a name='more'></a><br />
<div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">The new conservative position states: Gravity is a theory, just like that of evolution. As such, being a theory, it is unprovable. We know that it is the hand of God that keeps up to the Earth. He ensures that we remain and we fall to the place where we belong. Those who attempt to say otherwise are attempting to change the basic beliefs of the Christian faith. </div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">The National Science Foundation has fought back against this right-wing propaganda pointing to the vast piles of evidence collected over the centuries, particularly by NASA and space exploration. Even Stephen Hawking has chimed in to this American debate, as his work with physics is based on Newtonian laws.</div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">A spokesman for the NSF stated: “We have seen proof that gravity exists. From star wobbles to the pull of black holes to the formation of stars themselves, it is all gravity. Gravity keeps us in orbit around the Sun, keeps us tied to the Earth, keeps the moon in orbit. If gravity didn’t exist, none of this would be possible.”</div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">The two sides are both presenting their evidence, though the tide appears to be another fracture in the American mentality. It appears just as with evolution, where the scientists and learned individuals believe in the theory, while the devout and the less educated believe the hype. This appears to be another conflict in the war for minds in America. </div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">There is a theory that says that conservatives have worked intentionally to create poor and uneducated people, as a way to control them easier and gain their votes, leading to what CitiGroup officials call a “plutonomy”. If this is actually the case, it is by far one of the most nefarious events in the history of the United States since the begin of slavery. </div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">A public hearing as to whether to teach “God’s Hand” theory along side gravity will take place in Kansas schools. Protests for both sides are planned for the event, some starting a week before the debate is to take place. Both sides are expecting the votes to go in their favor.</div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;"><i>Annabel Lee is a freelance journalist for the Baltimore Fake Times Journal. She believes in Evolution, Gravity and Ancient Alien theories. </i></div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 15.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;"><i></i></div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;"><i>Help keep the Baltimore Fake Times Journal (BFTJ) free. Support our sponsors and help in keeping new articles coming. </i></div></div>Annabel Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00005324508859757329noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2405746570874941872.post-65197004879964710462011-08-10T11:43:00.000-04:002011-08-10T11:43:24.621-04:00Lego Announces New Furniture Line At IKEA<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br />
<div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;"><b>Billund, Denmark - </b>The Lego Group announced a partnership with IKEA yesterday that stated the two companies would work together on a new venture. Lego, the master of puzzle block building toys, and IKEA, the kings of build it yourself furniture kits, have come together to work on a new line of Lego’s Brand furniture, sold exclusively through IKEA.</div><a name='more'></a><br />
<div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">The furniture will include tables, desks, dressers, entertainment stands and accent pieces made entirely out of wooden Lego Bricks, which can be painted by the buyer to match the home decor. Lego originally tested the idea of making chairs and sitting apparatus, but the bricks proved too uncomfortable for prolonged sitting. </div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">IKEA is excited by this partnership. To have the fourth largest seller of toys globally working with a new product line tailor made for their retail business, it is a dream come true. IKEA is famous for Swedish accent pieces, assemble yourself furniture, and other items for the home. A novelty product like the Lego line of furniture and accent pieces will have global availability thanks to IKEAs chain of retailers worldwide.</div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">Preliminary testing of the new Lego furniture showed that it held up rather well to food, liquid and weights. A small end table was composed of 46 wooden bricks and a clear plastic top piece, and was able to hold 120 pounds of weight before one of the legs fell to the side. None of the bricks were harmed when the table fell. A standard table meets between 80 and 150 pounds of weight, so this table is normal by that standard.</div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">Additionally, many testers believed that Lego pieces would be jagged and tacky looking. Instead, with the way the pieces are shaped, they are rounded and smoothed giving a polished and traditional feel and appearance. A wide variety of products were tested and examined. The only product the testers had concerns about were the Lego dressers. The pieces didn’t always slide properly, and would often times fall apart under the weight of clothing. Otherwise, the other pieces were amazing.</div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">The bricks are all numbered between 1 and the final piece, and the instructions show each piece by number, making the instructions amazingly simple. There are no tools required to assemble the furniture. Most pieces were able to be properly assembled in under an hour. </div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">IKEA is hoping that enough people enjoy the novelty of a Lego accent piece to their home, to the tune of nearly 4 million Euro a month on the deal. Lego expect to be able to have the first pieces available in Sweden for sale by the end of September, while the global supply will be made available in late November. No word on how this change of venues will impact the Lego building block toy brand, though experts believe it will be unaffected by this new path for the 80 year old Danish company. </div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;"><i>Annabel Lee is a freelance journalist for the Baltimore Fake Times Journal. She knows that writers block is not code for a Lego desk, but it totally should be. </i></div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 15.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;"><i></i></div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;"><i>Help keep the Baltimore Fake Times Journal (BFTJ) free. Support our sponsors and help in keeping new articles coming. </i></div></div>Annabel Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00005324508859757329noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2405746570874941872.post-43587846650827249472011-08-09T12:23:00.000-04:002011-08-09T12:23:30.193-04:00Windows Live Messenger Leads To Divorce<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br />
<div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;"><b>Williamsburg, VA - </b>A man filed for divorce on Monday in Williamsburg citing communication problems as the reason for the separation. This is a normal problem for most couples, but what makes this a special circumstance worthy of being in the news is the exact reason that Martin Edwards cited in his declaration to divorce his wife of six years, Caitlyn Edwards.</div><a name='more'></a><br />
<div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">On the declaration, Martin wrote that the communication issues were related to a conversation he had with his wife a month ago over Windows Live Messenger, commonly referred to as MSN Messenger or just MSN. The conversation over MSN allegedly involved Martin asking his wife if she still loved him, as they had grown apart. The message was received by Caitlyn, whose alleges she replied to the message. Martin states that he never received a reply, and he took that to mean the relationship was over. </div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">When Martin returned home that night, the two engaged in a heated fight over this turn of events with both sides claiming they were right. Caitlyn even showed Martin where she had sent the message in her history feature, but Martin believed her to have added that entry after the fact. The fight continued for a period of three hours before Martin left. He slammed the door leaving the home, hopped into his car and drove to a hotel on the outskirts of town. He spent three nights there before returning to the home to collect his belongings.</div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">As of now, Martin has moved into an apartment in Williamsburg, leaving the home to Caitlyn. The two have not spoken, in person or on messenger, in over three weeks. The filing by Martin was not unexpected, but does mark one of the perils of using technology as a communication tool in relationships. </div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">A researcher at the University of Virginia told reporters that the phenomenon of people using tools for communication can be a healthy thing. “Telephones and telegraphs, post offices, cell phones, pagers, email and now instant messenger programs have all changed how we communicate with loved ones. There are been countless misunderstandings over these means. There is no substitute for genuine face to face communication between people, but these are tools to help provide a link over distance and time. People have to understand that just because you’re sending a message, that doesn’t mean that the message will be received or understood in the same way as it was intended. People need that face to face time to strengthen their bonds.”</div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">Martin stated to reporters that he had other problems with Caitlyn over the past 18 months. Caitlyn stated she was unaware of any problems and plans to make her case during the hearings. The couple currently have no children involved in this divorce.</div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;"><i>Annabel Lee is a freelance journalist for the Baltimore Fake Times Journal. When she got divorced, it was a simple matter. She asked, “Should we get divorced?” and the answer was, “Yeah”. She filed the paperwork and was done in a month. </i></div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 15.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;"><i></i></div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;"><i>Help keep the Baltimore Fake Times Journal (BFTJ) free. Support our sponsors and help in keeping new articles coming. </i></div></div>Annabel Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00005324508859757329noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2405746570874941872.post-77768706863878163282011-08-08T09:32:00.001-04:002011-08-08T09:33:17.681-04:00Is Exxon's Smart Gasoline Too Smart?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br />
<div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;"><b></b></div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;"><b style="font-weight: bold;">Houston, TX - </b>Exxon Mobile’s new smart gasoline product line has been having a few setbacks over the past week. The plot sounds like something out of a science fiction movie, but unfortunately, it is very real. Reports have circulated through the Houston area that Exxon gas stations selling the smart gasoline are having strange phenomena occur.</div><br />
<div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 15.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;"></div><a name='more'></a><b><br />
<div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">One station reported that all of their computers in the building were surfing information from the “Anarchist Cookbook”, despite no one using the computers. It was said the computers turned on and began Googling the information with no one in the building. </div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 15.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">Another reported their gas pumps moving on their own despite no wind. "It was almost like them there pumps was walking, or trying to walk. I thought they was gonna get up and walk away, I tell you what," the clerk told us when phoned for a statement. </div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 15.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">A third stated that the gasoline started driving cars with the drivers still inside the convenience store. "There were two cars outside at the pumps. Both drivers had come inside to get some snacks and what-not. T'weren't nobody out there. Tapes didn't find a person at all. Cars just turned on and left. Owners freaked out since they had their keys in their pockets, so we called the police," the official police statement of the attendant read. Exxon Mobile refused to comment on the situation. Some people have said that the rumors are only an urban legend, while the attendants at the gas stations assert the claims are real. Scientists from the University of Texas have taken samples of the gasoline for analysis to determine what is happening with the gasoline. If the tests prove the gasoline is harmful, many expect the Federal government to ban it from sale. </div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">If a ban is placed on Exxon Mobile’s smart gasoline products, the company could potentially lose millions in shipping the gasoline to another country while manufacturing traditional gasoline products. This could give companies such as BP and Shell the opportunity to gain market share in the United States. Exxon Mobile stocks have dropped over the past week, while BP and Shell have both seen their shares surge upwards nearly 7 percent since last Monday morning. </div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;"><i>Annabel Lee is a freelance journalist for the Baltimore Fake Times Journal. When she buys gasoline, she typically buys it from the 7-Eleven down the street. </i></div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 15.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;"><i></i></div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;"><i>Help keep the Baltimore Fake Times Journal (BFTJ) free. Support our sponsors and help in keeping new articles coming. </i></div></b></div>Annabel Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00005324508859757329noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2405746570874941872.post-3653045938648270412011-08-05T01:09:00.002-04:002011-08-05T01:09:47.834-04:00Dear Annabel, A Webby Is Not Spiderman Related<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br />
<div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;"><b>Baltimore, MD - </b>Annabel Lee received confirmation last night that she has been nominated for a 2011 Webby award. Unfortunately for her, she thought that a Webby was related to the Spiderman comic book character. She’s been in her office all day singing the Spiderman theme song, and pretending to shoot staffers with webs. </div><a name='more'></a><br />
<div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">We tried to explain to her that a Webby award is based on being an outstanding website online and having something that people enjoy. We even showed her other award winners, but she didn’t believe us. We even read her the letter from the Webby administration, but she didn’t believe that either.</div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">After she had silly stringed the Editor-in-Chief of the Baltimore Fake Times Journal, she was told to go home. Where she then decided she was going to try and climb down the stairs like a spider. Security stopped her before she could hurt herself. We’re not sure if that’s lucky for us or not here at the BFTJ. </div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">We hope that Annabel Lee does win her award, though if she really decides to dress up as Spider Girl, we may be in for a bit of an embarrassment. </div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;"><i>Keith Couture is Annabel Lee’s supervisor. He is just glad that she didn’t get nominated for a Wonder Woman award. He doesn’t think the office is ready to see Annabel in a Wonder Woman costume. </i></div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 15.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;"><i></i></div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;"><i>Help keep the Baltimore Fake Times Journal (BFTJ) free. Support our sponsors and help keep new articles coming. </i></div></div>Annabel Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00005324508859757329noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2405746570874941872.post-87813404570920785942011-08-04T11:24:00.000-04:002011-08-04T11:24:24.232-04:00Medical Mystery In Berlin<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br />
<div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;"><b>Berlin, Germany - </b>Hospital officials have confirmed an internet rumor than a child was born on July 23<span style="font: 9.0px Optima;"><sup>rd</sup></span> with an unusual characteristic. The child was born with nipples that were shaped like swastika’s. The child, whose name is being withheld, was born in the Berlin National Hospital in the afternoon of 23 July to two Jewish parents from outside of Berlin.</div><a name='more'></a><br />
<div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">The parents, who requested anonymity, told reporters that they will love their son, regardless of the unusual birth mark. The child’s father, who we will call Pops, stated that it will be hard adjusting to seeing the birthmark.</div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">“My grandfather was a casualty of the camps in Poland. My father was a survivor of the war by hiding out in the United Kingdom with my grandmother. To see this reminder of the worst event in Jewish history on something to precious, I just don’t know if I can handle it. I want to cry when I see his chest.” </div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">The delivering doctor, again anonymous due to hospital regulations, stated that in his 15 years of delivering babies, he has never seen anything like this. “I think this is a once in a lifetime event that was a fluke of nature. I don’t expect that we will find another child like this anywhere.”</div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">The internet has been abuzz with people demanding photos to verify the existence of these unusual shaped nipples. Neo Nazi groups have latched onto this story as it being God showing that the Third Reich and the work of the Nazi party is completely justified and supported. Both Pro-Jewish and Pro-Nazi groups have been engaging in a battle on the internet about what it means since the rumor first appeared online in late July. </div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">Ripley’s has already contacted the parents, seeking to get photographs of the child for their collection. The parents have no made a decision about this offer yet, instead focusing on healing the mother and raising the small child to adulthood. Ripley’s refused to comment to the Baltimore Fake Times Journal when asked about the offer they made to the parents.</div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">Whatever you believe about the child, he’s a healthy baby boy of 9 pounds, 8 ounces and full of life. That’s the true miracle in all of this. </div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;"><i>Annabel Lee is a freelance journalist for the Baltimore Fake Times Journal. She has no desire to become a mother, though she respects those who do. Also, nipples creep her out anyway. </i></div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 15.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;"><i></i></div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;"><i>Help keep the Baltimore Fake Times Journal (BFTJ) free. Support our sponsors and help keep new articles coming. </i></div></div>Annabel Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00005324508859757329noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2405746570874941872.post-71038507754014063922011-08-03T11:23:00.000-04:002011-08-03T11:23:07.808-04:00Teacher Seduces Student Using Facebook<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br />
<div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;"><b>Dallas, TX - </b>A female second grade teacher was arrested today after she was accused of using the popular social networking site Facebook to seduce one of her former female students. Demonica Washington, 44, was arrested after police received tips and emails shared with a former student over Facebook. The messages showed Washington trying to get one of her students into bed. Due to the age of the child, the name has been withheld from the media to protect her identity. The child is only 10 years old now, though she was only 8 when the first of the messages began coming.</div><a name='more'></a><br />
<div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">The messages have been released in pieces to the media, only showing the evidence provided to obtain a search warrant against Washington. She was arrested outside of her Dallas home early this morning. She did not resist and went willingly with officers, much to the dismay of the assembled media outlets. </div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">The parents of the young girl issued only a written statement which was read by police spokesmen on various outlets. The statement read:</div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;"><i>We think that the actions that have taken place are disgusting and vile. We believe that this teacher has violated the sacred trust of her position and we hope she gets the justice that she deserves. </i></div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">No word as to whether any physical contact took place between Washington and the minor. We hope for the sake of the child that she was unharmed beyond the messages sent by Washington. Authorities are investigating all motives and any other potential victims. If you believe your child has been contacted by Ms. Washington, you are urged to contact the Dallas Police Department.</div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;"><i>Annabel Lee is a freelance journalist with the Baltimore Fake Times Journal. She still doesn’t understand the Facebook phenomenon. Why would people want to talk to people on the internet that they don’t even like in real life? Sounds pointless to her. </i></div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 15.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;"><i></i></div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;"><i>Help keep the Baltimore Fake Times Journal (BFTJ) free. Support our sponsors and help keep new articles coming. </i></div></div>Annabel Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00005324508859757329noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2405746570874941872.post-87812860576717767872011-08-02T00:09:00.000-04:002011-08-02T00:09:31.659-04:00Aliens Come To Earth - Prove Existence of God<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br />
<div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;"><b>Los Alamos, NM - </b>A spaceship landed outside of the top secret research installation at Los Alamos today. The craft landed in secret, barely alerting the security staff. When they arrived, they already spoke English and looked almost human, except being nearly 9 feet tall. The leader of the craft walked up to the main building and demanded to talk to the leader of the installation.</div><a name='more'></a><br />
<div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">NASA, the Pentagon, and the White House were all notified and teleconferenced for this meeting with the alien leaders, named Gary, oddly enough. Gary stated that humans have gone stupid and are continuing to push an agenda that is based on nothing more than the stories told to early man from Gary’s race centuries ago. Claiming disbelief, Gary produced a video tape recorded in HD with time stamps showing aliens speaking with people all across the planet in their native tongues. </div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">The video tape showed famous stories from every religious text, and showed that all faith in Gods and Goddesses stemmed from encounters with Gary’s ancestors. The tape showed time stamps of both the Alien’s time, and Earth time according to the calendar systems used by the ancient peoples. Scientists were stunned watching the tape, which looked completely authentic visually. </div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">Gary provided 200 copies of the video which are being researched before being released to the general public. The scientists are attempting to prove that these tapes are frauds, and are hoping to have an announcement before the end of the year. </div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">Upon hearing what Gary had told the leaders of the United States, the Vatican released a simple press release.</div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;"><i>While we at the Vatican believe that extraterrestrial life is a part of God, we cannot take what we are being told as honest without further investigation and understanding. We believe this to be one of the biggest hoaxes in human history and will launch our own look into the ancient works and the new evidence provided by the aliens to humanity.</i></div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">Meanwhile, there is a division brewing amongst people, debating whether God was really an alien or not. Ancient Alien theorists have proposed just such a position, and have gained more credibility over the years with popular shows on The History Channel. Now they are crowing that they were right, while attempting to cash in. Sales of popular books such as “Chariots of the Gods” have skyrocketed on Amazon’s Kindle list today, making it the number two book on the site behind The Bible. </div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">No matter what happens, today has changed human history and how we think of ourselves in the universe.</div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;"><i>Annabel Lee is a freelance journalist for the Baltimore Fake Times Journal. She is an ancient alien theory proponent and has spent years reading the works of those who came before her. Also, she thinks Gary sort of looks like a young Robert Redford. </i></div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 15.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;"><i></i></div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;"><i>Help keep the Baltimore Fake Times Journal (BFTJ) free. Support our sponsors and help keep new articles coming. </i></div></div>Annabel Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00005324508859757329noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2405746570874941872.post-48794649176855363312011-08-01T00:00:00.001-04:002011-08-01T00:21:25.397-04:00Milk Money! Bank Robbed Using Breast Milk<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br />
<div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;"><b>Milwaukee, WI - </b>A man walked into the Bank of America branch downtown today, and demanded all of the money. It was just your routine heist with someone trying to make some money. What made this particular robbery different was the weapon the assailant used.</div><a name='more'></a><br />
<div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">At 2:18 PM, Elliot Spickle walked into the Bank of America branch wearing a ski mask, gloves, a Brett Favre Green Bay Packers Jersey and a pair of dusty blue jeans. He approached the teller immediately, handing her a note compiled from newspaper clippings. The note simply said, “Give Me All The Money In The Bank And No Funny Business”. </div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">The teller, 23 year old Angela Williams, did as she was told, placing the money into the bag, along with the standard dye pack. She noticed that his gun looked unusual and hit the silent alarm, signaling the police. The gun appeared, to her, to be a realistic squirt pistol, similar to the type strippers use for tequila shots during bachelorette parties. She handed him the bag of money and he began hurrying out of the bank. </div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">Once outside, Spickle was confronted by the Milwaukee Police Department, which had responded to the silent alarm triggered by Ms. Williams. Spickle pulled out his gun and pointed it one of the officers. The officer demanded that Spickle drop the weapon and get down on the ground. Spickle refused the order. The officer shot Spickle. </div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">After the shooting, another officer came over and inspected the weapon that Spickle had. It was a squirt gun which had been filled with breast milk. </div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">“We do not know at this time why Spickle came into the bank with a gun filled with breast milk. What we do know is that he pointed the weapon at law enforcement, he was commanded to drop the weapon and get on the ground. He refused the order and was shot. The officer who shot him is not under investigation at this time. We are still looking into how Spickle came to rob this bank.”</div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">Bank of America issued a written statement to the press after the incident.</div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;"><i>We want to thank the fine men and women of the Milwaukee Police Department today. What they did, in the line of duty, is nothing short of heroic. They have earned and deserve our respect and our support. We would also like to thank Ms. Angela Williams, and will be promoting her based on her actions today. We will be closing this branch for a week for an investigation and for upgrades to the security systems, as is routine procedure following an event of this time. </i></div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;"><i>Thank you again to all those who have helped during this time of need. </i></div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">There will be a funeral service held for Mr. Spickle on the 7<span style="font: normal normal normal 9px/normal Optima;"><sup>th</sup></span> of August. Members of the public are advised to keep the spitting and grave urinating to a minimum, out of respect to Spickle’s mother, who had no part in this crime that we are aware of at this time. </div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;"><i>Annabel Lee is a freelance journalist with the Baltimore Fake Times Journal. She was voted most likely to die first in a robber at four out of four jobs dealing with currency. </i><br />
<i><br />
</i><br />
<i>Help keep the Baltimore Fake Times Journal (BFTJ) free. Support our sponsors and help keep new articles coming. </i></div></div>Annabel Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00005324508859757329noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2405746570874941872.post-92211062494622184362011-07-29T00:08:00.002-04:002011-07-29T00:08:38.854-04:00Latest Survivor Cast Member Named<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br />
<div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;"><b>Los Angeles, CA - </b>Famed trial defendant, Casey Anthony, has been selected by CBS Studios to be a contestant on the next season of <i>Survivor</i>. The popular reality television series puts people in a location, having them win challenges for food and luxuries, as well as immunity, then voting off people in an attempt to be the winner of the $1 million prize at the end. </div><a name='more'></a><br />
<div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">“The producers of <i>Survivor</i> believe that Ms. Anthony shows what it takes to be a survivor, and we wanted to see how she would hold up against our competition. We think that she will be a welcome addition to the cast, and it could give her a break from dealing with the media over her trial and her time in prison for lying to the police. We welcome that sort of game play on <i>Survivor</i> and look forward to seeing how she handles this game,” the official CBS press release stated. </div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">The concept of <i>Survivor</i> is placing people into tribes and keeping them isolated from society for 39 days. At the end, all the members voted out of the game once the tribes “merge” vote for the person they believe most deserving of winning the game. The game has produced some of the most memorable reality television stars during its time. The game rewards people for lying, cheating, stealing and backstabbing. These are some of the reasons that many people believe Ms. Anthony will be a good addition to the cast of the program. </div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">When pressed for feedback, a few fans gave us their reaction to the news, on the condition of anonymity. </div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">“I think that she fits. She’s a liar and she deserves to show how well she lies to a group who will be expecting deceit from everyone,” one woman said.</div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">Another woman stated, “She should be rotting in prison for the rest of her life, not playing a game for a million dollars. I hope that she’s the first one voted out and that CBS rots in hell for casting her.”</div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">A gentleman stated simply, “She’s hot. I can’t wait to see her in a bikini.”</div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;"><i>Survivor</i> will begin filming in September, with the episodes beginning in February 2012. </div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;"><i>Annabel Lee is a freelance journalist with the Baltimore Fake Times Journal. She has applied to be a contestant on Survivor 12 times, and has never been invited for an audition for the program. </i></div></div>Annabel Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00005324508859757329noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2405746570874941872.post-64717336563169129302011-07-28T08:54:00.000-04:002011-07-28T08:54:18.248-04:00Company Opens For Business; Doesn't Know What It Does<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br />
<div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;"><b>Fargo, ND - </b>The town was gathered outside of a new building, the largest in Fargo. It is a masterpiece of architecture and construction, a testament to technology outsmarting the weather. It is complete with enough office space for 5,000 workers and multiple cutting edge business practices. The doors opened for the first time, welcoming employees into the building to the sounds of a high school marching band welcoming them to their first days of work for the new venture. That’s when things started getting weird. </div><a name='more'></a><br />
<div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">The staff gathered in the lobby, wondering what exactly it was that the company does. The fact that the company president had absolutely no idea what the company does made for what would have been a nice start to a business venture quite vexing. </div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">“We thought we knew what we did here, but with all the changes before we opened the doors, we’ve gone in several different directions. Only the top of the company knows exactly what we do, and even that information hasn’t been passed down. Originally, we were to be a software company, but that branched down into a financial services company, then it was a combination of the two, then it became an insurance company. So, we’re just waiting for the leadership to pass on what we’re supposed to be doing here.” The official statement from the company president read. </div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">One of the employees, Brendon Davis, told us, “I was hired to do IT support for them, and when I showed up, I had a desk and a supervisor and everything. It felt like a normal day except that none of us knew what it was that we were supposed to be doing. We were told to stay the whole day and that we’d be paid for our time. We just didn’t have anything to do.’</div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">The company, which so far does not have an official name, is expected to inform employees of the nature of the company sometime in the next week. Until then, the employees will be paid for the work they’re not doing and are expected to show up for non-work on time. </div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;"><i>Annabel Lee is a freelance journalist for the Baltimore Fake Times Journal. She has worked for some interesting companies, but they all knew at least what they were supposed to be doing. </i></div></div>Annabel Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00005324508859757329noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2405746570874941872.post-80020379309057464022011-07-27T00:43:00.001-04:002011-07-27T00:43:29.819-04:00Hardee's Announces Six Pound Burger<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br />
<div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;"><b>St. Louis, MO. - </b>Hardee’s, part of the CKE Restaurant line including Carl’s Jr., announced a new sandwich added to their line of large hamburgers. The new sandwich will contain two pound burger patties and come in a variety of different ways. One burger, the six pound burger, is six pounds of angus beef on a specially designed roll for Hardee’s restaurants. </div><a name='more'></a><br />
<div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">“We believe that people want more food for their dollar. We know that these burgers may be excessive, but they’re not intended to be eaten in one sitting. We cut the sandwich into four pieces, allowing the consumer to eat what they’d like and refrigerate the remaining portions. We only include items that taste delicious out of the microwave, to prevent spoilage or soggy burgers. We include reheating instructions on the side of the carton,” Sarah Gifford, spokeswoman for CKE Restaurants, stated when asked about the new product.</div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">The new line will be called the “Double Burger Burger” line. This is added to the “Six Dollar Burger” line of products already available. The DBB, as it has been called, includes bacon cheese burger, cheeseburger and western cheeseburger varieties. They are available in one, two and three patty versions. A single patty DBB cheeseburger is expected to cost consumers $7.50. The western cheeseburger with three patties will cost $11.75. </div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">Hardee’s expects to see sales increase in their target areas, as other chains have moved away from burgers to salads and other product lines. This could help Hardee’s move up from the 4<span style="font: 9.0px Optima;"><sup>th</sup></span> largest chain in America to number three, surpassing Wendy’s. Experts disagree and say that Hardee’s is doing more harm that good with this new DBB line.</div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">Dietician and food science expert, Linda Wilcox, from the University of Minnesota, told us when asked, “This is a product that shows everything that is wrong with the food culture in America. Here you have a burger that is completely oversized. One of the smaller burgers has a full days worth of calories. This leads to larger Americans during the largest obesity crisis in world history. This burger should not be consumed by anyone, for any reason. Even with the company saying that it is four portions, we know that as food sizes have increase, so have waistlines. People will eat far more than they should, leading to higher rates of obesity and obesity related illnesses. Hardee’s should be ashamed of themselves for this type of product being launched.”</div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">Whether the reception will be favorable or not for the new “Double Burger Burger” line, time will tell. The line is expected to launch in mid-August at all Hardee’s locations. The DBB will not be available at Carl’s Jr. at this time. </div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">Rumors have famed competitive eating champion Takeru Kobayashi staring in the commercials, eating the burger with record speeds. Hardee’s refused to comment directly when asked about their marketing campaign. Kobayashi was unavailable for comment, as he had his mouth full.</div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;"><i>Annabel Lee is a freelance journalist for the Baltimore Fake Times Journal. She tried eating one of those 96 ounce steaks once. She fell a few bites short of finishing the whole thing. It cost her $55 for her efforts. </i></div></div>Annabel Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00005324508859757329noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2405746570874941872.post-17483910826454173012011-07-26T09:45:00.000-04:002011-07-26T09:45:08.172-04:007 Year Old Forced To Become Wal-Mart Greeter<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br />
<div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;"><b>Billings, MT - </b>A 7 year old boy was caught shoplifting at a Wal-Mart in Billings today. The boy was caught with less than $10 in merchandise from the largest company in America. The boy was held until his parents could be reached. Rather than pressing charges, the corporate giant reached an agreement with the boys family.</div><a name='more'></a><br />
<div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">The decision was that Ethan Davies would work as a greeter for an hour, saying “hi” to all the patrons of the store. Ethan was given a blue vest and a chair, allowing him to sit and greet all the visitors to the store. Since the boy was so young, and had such a small amount of property in his possession, this was deemed the most fair way to compensate for his actions.</div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">When asked about being a greeter for an hour, Ethan told reporters, “It was fun. Old ladies gave me candy and I had so many stickers”. He was covered in yellow smily face stickers. </div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">This is not the first time a child has been asked to work for the Retail Giant as part of a shoplifting charge. In 2005, a fifteen year old girl was given three hours as a greeter for attempting to shoplift a bottle of nail polish. The girl stated afterwards that she was thankful for the opportunity to make amends rather than going to Juvenile Correctional Services.</div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;"><i>Annabel Lee is a freelance journalist with the Baltimore Fake Times Journal. She has never worked at Wal-Mart. She applied twice and was told she was “too qualified”. </i></div></div>Annabel Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00005324508859757329noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2405746570874941872.post-60974331461234902632011-07-25T10:29:00.002-04:002011-07-25T10:29:55.567-04:00Mittens the LOLCat for President<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br />
<div style="font: 12.0px Optima; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><b>Des Moines, IA</b> - One of the popular internet phenomenon LOLCats has announced, through a translator, that they are seeking the Republican nomination for President of the United States. Political experts are torn over the legality of such an announcement. </span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Optima; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span></div><a name='more'></a><br />
<br />
<div style="font: 12.0px Optima; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">“Mittens is six human years old, meaning that she is old enough to run for President of the United States. We have released her long form birth certificate, showing that she was born in Iowa, and her parents were also born in Iowa,” Mitten’s campaign manager and translator, Will Freeman, told reporters. </span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Optima; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Optima; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">“We believer that mathematical equations should not be a component in determining the age of a candidate for Federal office. The Constitution is very clear that one must be 35 years old to seek the office of President. Mittens, by her own admission, is only six years old,” Iowa Democratic Election Chairwoman Nancy Yi told us when asked her opinion on the matter. </span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Optima; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Optima; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">The popularity of Mittens has grown over the past two years as more LOLCat photos of her have been posted. As of today, the only position Mittens has taken is that she would vote for the Ryan Budget if it was on her desk. </span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Optima; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Optima; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">We don’t know at this time how Mittens late entry into the race. The next poll of candidates will be out in the next few days. Many place Mittens between Herman Cain, currently running second in Iowa, and frontrunner, Mitt Romney of Massachusetts. </span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Optima; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Optima; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Additionally, when asked about Rick Santorum and his Google problem, Mittens laughed hysterically and fell off a table. Cutely, of course. </span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Optima; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Optima; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><i>Annabel Lee is a freelance journalist for the Baltimore Fake Times Journal. She Googled Rick Santorum and had to take a shower. If you don’t know, Google it. </i></span></div></div>Annabel Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00005324508859757329noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2405746570874941872.post-39606384929548443322011-07-22T09:52:00.000-04:002011-07-22T09:52:22.939-04:00Planes, Trains, and Automobiles? Not If The EPA Has Its Say<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br />
<div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;"><b>Washington, DC - </b>The Environmental Protection Agency, or EPA, issued a ruling today that all cars, trucks, buses and aircraft are in violation of the Environmental Protection Act. The reason was listed as these vehicles contribute highly to pollution levels in America.</div><a name='more'></a><br />
<div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">The EPA stated that these forms of transportation may meet the requirements singularly, yet in concert with so many vehicles in use, the amount of pollution generated greatly exceeds safe limits for carbon monoxide emissions. The ruling stunned an American population reeling from countless changes over the past few months in regards to taxes, health care, wartime involvement, employment and now vehicles. Experts believe this could be the deathblow to the American economy.</div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">“How can the EPA issue this ruling without getting approval from Congress? What will we do as a society if we cannot get to work, cannot transport goods across the country, cannot travel abroad anymore? We’re doomed without this being lifted immediately,” an unnamed observer said to reporters after the official EPA announcement.</div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">Even Air Force One has been grounded by this ruling. The military cancelled all training programs and shut the gates to the base, not allowing any traffic on or off the base. Congress is meeting in an emergency session to address this ruling from the EPA. They are working until they reach an agreement on how to proceed without violating the EPA’s governing documents and regulations. </div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">Experts believe it could be a week or more before Congress can react to the events. President Obama issued an Executive Order staying the ban by the EPA until after January 15<span style="font: 9.0px Optima;"><sup>th</sup></span>, 2012. This will give all sides time to review the findings and come up with alternative ways of reducing carbon emission through transportation.</div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;"><i>Annabel Lee is a freelance journalist for the Baltimore Fake Times Journal. She has driven exactly 1000 miles in the past month. That’s two Pretender’s songs. </i></div></div>Annabel Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00005324508859757329noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2405746570874941872.post-1188874315235917832011-07-21T09:14:00.004-04:002011-07-21T09:44:49.501-04:00What Happens In Vegas, Stay In Vegas<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br />
<div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;"><b>Las Vegas, NV - </b>A local author was tormented in her sleep last night by what she described as, “some crazy woman singing off key outside of my bedroom window”. The author, Sue Julsen, creator of “Bitter Memories: A Memoir of Heartache & Survival”, stated that the offensive sound started at approximately 11 PM and continued until the cops arrived at 2 AM. </div><a name='more'></a><br />
<div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">“I was trying to sleep, after a full day of writing and caring for my family, and I heard this really annoying voice singing “Barbie Girl” completely off key over and over again. When I would scream out the window or try and block out the noise, it just seemed to get louder. It sounded like a woman was singing, yet I could never see anyone from outside of the window,” Julsen told reporters outside of her home. </div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">David Hammerstein, the investigating officer, told the gathered reporters, “Last night, we had a noise complaint from Ms. Julsen, though she never saw the culprit. We are looking into this matter, and have advised her to contact us immediately if it happens again. We are looking for the suspect, and from what we’ve found so far, we believe we know who the guilty party is in this matter.” </div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">Authorities would not release the name of the culprit, though Annabel Lee was quick to say that it wasn’t her, for once. She maintains that she was not in Vegas and that even if she was, what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. Police are looking into the singing and attempting to figure out if the song choice has anything to do with Ms. Julsen. </div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">“I just hope they find this person so I can get a good nights sleep and be able to finish my next book. I’d hate to write the lyrics to that song over and over again for the last five chapters. I feel my readers deserve to at least have the plot finished.”</div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;"><i>Annabel Lee is a freelance journalist for the Baltimore Fake Times Journal. She was singing “Barbie Girl” all day in the office, though she was actually on time for work, for once, so she’s not a suspect in this matter. </i><br />
<i><br />
</i><br />
<i>See more of Sue Julsen's work at </i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 14px;"><a href="http://www.outskirtspress.com/bittermemories" rel="nofollow" style="color: #3b5998; cursor: pointer; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank">http://www.outskirtspress.com/bittermemories</a> </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 14px;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 14px;"><iframe align="right" frameborder="0" marginheight="0" marginwidth="0" scrolling="no" src="http://rcm.amazon.com/e/cm?t=wriwri0d-20&o=1&p=8&l=bpl&asins=1432750488&fc1=000000&IS2=1&lt1=_blank&m=amazon&lc1=0000FF&bc1=FFFFFF&bg1=FFFFFF&f=ifr" style="align: right; height: 245px; padding-right: 10px; padding-top: 5px; width: 131px;"></iframe></span></div></div>Annabel Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00005324508859757329noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2405746570874941872.post-41647333080959566662011-07-20T10:24:00.001-04:002011-07-20T10:24:28.667-04:00Jazz Hands Latest Trend in America<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><b>Miami, FL</b> - Jazz hands, the popular dance step used for years, has taken on a new life. In recent months, jazz hands have made appearances on the streets, on television, in movies, on the internet. It has become a verbal trend as well, with people shouting “with jazz hands” to things. In fact, jazz hands has replaced “that’s what she said” as the most popular one-liner in use. </span></div><a name='more'></a><br />
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Jazz hands has slowly been climbing in popularity, with more music shows on television, it sees more attention. By replacing it into conversation, it gives the listener the mental image of hands waving back and forth rapidly. Gentlemen picture those hands touching breasts and bottoms. Ladies picture them cleaning. </span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">The popularity of jazz hand was rumored to be one of the reasons that Steve Carell left the popular NBC show, “The Office”. Carell popularized “That’s what she said” on the show, leading to it becoming a pop phenomenon. With the rise in jazz hands, Steve Carell has left “The Office”, leaving the show without a catch phrase. </span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Jazz hands is considered to be more age appropriate, allowing to it catch fire on social network trend sites, as well as with the youth of America. You can see jazz hands at the mall, the coffee shop, even driving on the freeways. Jazz hands is changing the way America makes jokes. </span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><i>Annabel Lee is a freelance journalist for the Baltimore Fake Times Journal. She typed this article all by herself! With jazz hands! </i></span></div>Annabel Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00005324508859757329noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2405746570874941872.post-56280711735162357782011-07-19T09:34:00.000-04:002011-07-19T09:34:36.924-04:00Holiday Creep Hits New Low<div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;"><b>Washington, DC - </b>President Obama, rather than focusing on jobs, the debt ceiling, Libya, Somalia, Afghanistan, Iraq or Yemen, dedicated the National Christmas Tree today. The dedication came earlier than ever, surpassing the old record by nearly four months. This is just the latest example of holiday creep occurring in the United States.</div><a name='more'></a><br />
<div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">“We feel that the dedication of the National Christmas Tree in July is a travesty to the holidays that come between the Independence Day holiday and Christmas. The tree being dedicated before students are even back to school creates this illusion that Christmas is the most important holiday in America,” Cathy McGee, 54, a teacher from Sioux City, Iowa, told reporters following the dedication. </div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">“It’s a moment when we can all realize that Jesus is Lord and he cannot be taken away from the American social culture,” Reverend Bill Gavins, 44, from Boston, told reporters when asked. Gavins had lead the National prayer before the dedication. </div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">It has been a dividing moment for the people of America. Many feel that Christmas should only be celebrated following the Thanksgiving holiday. Others believe it is a step in the right direction, getting the nation back in touch with the “Christian roots” of the country. </div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">Perhaps Mary O’Donnell, 23, from Portland, Oregon, summarized the situation the best. “I’m not against Christmas. I’m not against religion or faith. I’m not even against capitalism and how holidays drive corporate profits. I’m against the President feeling that July was the time to do this dedication. With so many people out of work, the country in peril from the debt ceiling, with so many wars going on, it would just seem like he would have better and more important things to do than dicker around with a tree during the summer. It makes no sense.”</div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">President Obama has faced his toughest problems and lowest ratings during the summer months, including his presidential campaign in 2008. The summer seems to hit him hard for whatever reason. When the weather starts cooling down, the President seems to bounce back and show the resilience which has made him the Commander in Chief. This could be just a political stunt to gain some political capital to use in pushing through initiatives to fix the problems facing the nation. Obama is still reeling from other initiatives pushed through during his first year in office. The past 18 months has seen far more conflict from the Republicans as Obama attempts to push through his legislation.</div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">Though, even with this dedication, many don’t see anything positive coming from it for more than a week, when the tree will lose its significants and become just another holiday decoration fading in the summer sun.</div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;"><i>Annabel Lee is a freelance journalist for the Baltimore Fake Times Journal. She has been known to have her Christmas tree up from Black Friday until January 9</i><span style="font: 9.0px Optima;"><i><sup>th</sup></i></span><i> the following year. July seems a bit excessive to her for a holiday season start. </i></div>Annabel Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00005324508859757329noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2405746570874941872.post-29649851077264597772011-07-18T10:46:00.000-04:002011-07-18T10:46:08.054-04:00What Brown Won't Do For You<div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;"><b>Atlanta, GA - </b>A lawsuit was filed in Fulton County Georgia today by the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People, or NAACP, today. The lawsuit alleges that United Parcel Service, or UPS, uses a shade of brown for their uniforms that are offensive to members of the NAACP’s donor base. </div><a name='more'></a><br />
<div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">“We know some people think that brown is just a color, but have you ever seen a colored person in that uniform? They look naked with pockets on their skin. It is quite humiliating. We merely ask that UPS change the color of their uniforms to something more flattering to people of all colors.” The official press release offered new colors for the uniforms, such as red, blue and purple. </div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">“We don’t believe there is anything wrong with our uniform colors. We have used brown since the start of our company, and we will continue to do so unless ordered to stop by a court. We feel, at this time, that the NAACP is using this as a ploy to generate more revenues from their donors during a down recession, and that it has nothing to do with the color of our uniforms,” Harold Baines, spokesman for UPS said, when asked by reporters. </div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">We asked University of Maryland Frivolous Lawsuit Teacher, Wanda Pachek, for her reaction to the lawsuit filed by the NAACP. She said, “This just appears to be a donation stunt. There is no way that the NAACP honestly believes that UPS will be forced to choose a new color for their uniforms. Additionally, courts might think that brown is actually a safer color for the drivers, as many of the choices put forth by the NAACP are gang affiliated colors. With a large portion of workforce that is non-white, color makes a difference in the neighborhoods visited.”</div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;">The Fulton County Courthouse will review the filing paperwork over the next week. A decision if it will be allowed to proceed is expected before the end of August. </div><div style="font: 13.0px Optima; margin: 8.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px;"><i>Annabel Lee is a freelance journalist for the Baltimore Fake Times Journal. She thinks there are far too many lawsuits out there, and none of them match her shoes. </i></div>Annabel Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00005324508859757329noreply@blogger.com0