Is Exxon's Smart Gasoline Too Smart?

Houston, TX - Exxon Mobile’s new smart gasoline product line has been having a few setbacks over the past week. The plot sounds like something out of a science fiction movie, but unfortunately, it is very real. Reports have circulated through the Houston area that Exxon gas stations selling the smart gasoline are having strange phenomena occur.

One station reported that all of their computers in the building were surfing information from the “Anarchist Cookbook”, despite no one using the computers. It was said the computers turned on and began Googling the information with no one in the building. 

Another reported their gas pumps moving on their own despite no wind. "It was almost like them there pumps was walking, or trying to walk. I thought they was gonna get up and walk away, I tell you what," the clerk told us when phoned for a statement. 

A third stated that the gasoline started driving cars with the drivers still inside the convenience store. "There were two cars outside at the pumps. Both drivers had come inside to get some snacks and what-not. T'weren't nobody out there. Tapes didn't find a person at all. Cars just turned on and left. Owners freaked out since they had their keys in their pockets, so we called the police," the official police statement of the attendant read. Exxon Mobile refused to comment on the situation. Some people have said that the rumors are only an urban legend, while the attendants at the gas stations assert the claims are real. Scientists from the University of Texas have taken samples of the gasoline for analysis to determine what is happening with the gasoline. If the tests prove the gasoline is harmful, many expect the Federal government to ban it from sale. 

If a ban is placed on Exxon Mobile’s smart gasoline products, the company could potentially lose millions in shipping the gasoline to another country while manufacturing traditional gasoline products. This could give companies such as BP and Shell the opportunity to gain market share in the United States. Exxon Mobile stocks have dropped over the past week, while BP and Shell have both seen their shares surge upwards nearly 7 percent since last Monday morning. 

Annabel Lee is a freelance journalist for the Baltimore Fake Times Journal. When she buys gasoline, she typically buys it from the 7-Eleven down the street. 

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