Los Alamos, NM - A spaceship landed outside of the top secret research installation at Los Alamos today. The craft landed in secret, barely alerting the security staff. When they arrived, they already spoke English and looked almost human, except being nearly 9 feet tall. The leader of the craft walked up to the main building and demanded to talk to the leader of the installation.
NASA, the Pentagon, and the White House were all notified and teleconferenced for this meeting with the alien leaders, named Gary, oddly enough. Gary stated that humans have gone stupid and are continuing to push an agenda that is based on nothing more than the stories told to early man from Gary’s race centuries ago. Claiming disbelief, Gary produced a video tape recorded in HD with time stamps showing aliens speaking with people all across the planet in their native tongues.
The video tape showed famous stories from every religious text, and showed that all faith in Gods and Goddesses stemmed from encounters with Gary’s ancestors. The tape showed time stamps of both the Alien’s time, and Earth time according to the calendar systems used by the ancient peoples. Scientists were stunned watching the tape, which looked completely authentic visually.
Gary provided 200 copies of the video which are being researched before being released to the general public. The scientists are attempting to prove that these tapes are frauds, and are hoping to have an announcement before the end of the year.
Upon hearing what Gary had told the leaders of the United States, the Vatican released a simple press release.
While we at the Vatican believe that extraterrestrial life is a part of God, we cannot take what we are being told as honest without further investigation and understanding. We believe this to be one of the biggest hoaxes in human history and will launch our own look into the ancient works and the new evidence provided by the aliens to humanity.
Meanwhile, there is a division brewing amongst people, debating whether God was really an alien or not. Ancient Alien theorists have proposed just such a position, and have gained more credibility over the years with popular shows on The History Channel. Now they are crowing that they were right, while attempting to cash in. Sales of popular books such as “Chariots of the Gods” have skyrocketed on Amazon’s Kindle list today, making it the number two book on the site behind The Bible.
No matter what happens, today has changed human history and how we think of ourselves in the universe.
Annabel Lee is a freelance journalist for the Baltimore Fake Times Journal. She is an ancient alien theory proponent and has spent years reading the works of those who came before her. Also, she thinks Gary sort of looks like a young Robert Redford.
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