Monday, July 25, 2011

Mittens the LOLCat for President

Des Moines, IA - One of the popular internet phenomenon LOLCats has announced, through a translator, that they are seeking the Republican nomination for President of the United States. Political experts are torn over the legality of such an announcement. 

“Mittens is six human years old, meaning that she is old enough to run for President of the United States. We have released her long form birth certificate, showing that she was born in Iowa, and her parents were also born in Iowa,” Mitten’s campaign manager and translator, Will Freeman, told reporters. 
“We believer that mathematical equations should not be a component in determining the age of a candidate for Federal office. The Constitution is very clear that one must be 35 years old to seek the office of President. Mittens, by her own admission, is only six years old,” Iowa Democratic Election Chairwoman Nancy Yi told us when asked her opinion on the matter. 
The popularity of Mittens has grown over the past two years as more LOLCat photos of her have been posted. As of today, the only position Mittens has taken is that she would vote for the Ryan Budget if it was on her desk. 
We don’t know at this time how Mittens late entry into the race. The next poll of candidates will be out in the next few days. Many place Mittens between Herman Cain, currently running second in Iowa, and frontrunner, Mitt Romney of Massachusetts. 
Additionally, when asked about Rick Santorum and his Google problem, Mittens laughed hysterically and fell off a table. Cutely, of course. 
Annabel Lee is a freelance journalist for the Baltimore Fake Times Journal. She Googled Rick Santorum and had to take a shower. If you don’t know, Google it. 

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