Friday, July 22, 2011

Planes, Trains, and Automobiles? Not If The EPA Has Its Say

Washington, DC - The Environmental Protection Agency, or EPA, issued a ruling today that all cars, trucks, buses and aircraft are in violation of the Environmental Protection Act. The reason was listed as these vehicles contribute highly to pollution levels in America.

The EPA stated that these forms of transportation may meet the requirements singularly, yet in concert with so many vehicles in use, the amount of pollution generated greatly exceeds safe limits for carbon monoxide emissions. The ruling stunned an American population reeling from countless changes over the past few months in regards to taxes, health care, wartime involvement, employment and now vehicles. Experts believe this could be the deathblow to the American economy.
“How can the EPA issue this ruling without getting approval from Congress? What will we do as a society if we cannot get to work, cannot transport goods across the country, cannot travel abroad anymore? We’re doomed without this being lifted immediately,” an unnamed observer said to reporters after the official EPA announcement.
Even Air Force One has been grounded by this ruling. The military cancelled all training programs and shut the gates to the base, not allowing any traffic on or off the base. Congress is meeting in an emergency session to address this ruling from the EPA. They are working until they reach an agreement on how to proceed without violating the EPA’s governing documents and regulations. 
Experts believe it could be a week or more before Congress can react to the events. President Obama issued an Executive Order staying the ban by the EPA until after January 15th, 2012. This will give all sides time to review the findings and come up with alternative ways of reducing carbon emission through transportation.
Annabel Lee is a freelance journalist for the Baltimore Fake Times Journal. She has driven exactly 1000 miles in the past month. That’s two Pretender’s songs. 

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