Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Middle East Peace Process Accomplished

Jerusalem, Israel - As part of the Middle East peace talks, a plan was finally agreed on. In the age of telecommunications, Israel has agreed to move to all of west Texas, except El Paso, starting at a point located 50 miles west of Austin, the capital of Texas. 

The agreement states that Jerusalem will become an independent state of no nationality or religion, open to all peoples. The Palestinians will claim all the form Israeli land, while Israel will take a much larger section of land across the Atlantic.

“We are sad to leave the Holy Lands, to leave our faith behind. But now we have access to the American dream and large amounts of oil. We will be able to sustain our country without needing a large military. Unless Mexico gets some funny ideas about attacking us, we will be safe for the first time in our history,” Benjamin Abhalli told reports near the Crying Wall.

“We think this is the best solution. Why America didn’t think of this sooner, I cannot say. But I am thankful for them, on behalf of all Israelis.”

The United States Congress has already passed a resolution in both houses, which President Obama has signed that state if new Israel wants to become a state in the United States, they are welcome to. Proponents believe this could be the way to get full representation for Washington D.C. as well.

“With Israel becoming a United States, we will be able to finally give full and equal representation to the nations capital, something that has been promised for years but never delivered. The number of 52 is an even number, helping to keep the math simple for the Speaker of the House and the Senate Majority Leader,” Karl Segenbach, spokesman for the Equal Representation lobby, told reporters.

Regardless of what happens with statehood, an Israeli state of their own without threats on every side, along with an independent Jerusalem finally has put an end to the tension in the Middle East for the time being. 

Annabel Lee is a freelance journalist for the Baltimore Fake Times Journal. She drove through Texas once and was bored to tears.

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