Monday, May 16, 2011

White House Releases Bin Laden Photos

Washington D.C. - The White House today agreed to release the photos they have of the former leader of Al-Qaeda Osama Bin Laden taken the moment US Navy Seals entered the bedroom where he was located.

The photos, taken by an unmentioned Navy Seal, show Bin Laden secured to a bed using handcuffs on his arms. His feet were bound using white satin scarves. He was surrounded by seven women dressed in leather outfits holding various implements that could be considered to be kinky or erotic in nature.

The question now is, since these are the photographs of the final moments of Bin Laden’s life, what will the reaction be from the Muslim world?

“We believe that these photos, while disturbing, offer a glimpse into the personal life of Bin Laden, more than pictures of him watching a small TV or video clips of him looking off camera repeatedly,” White House spokeswoman Darla Maplewood told us. “We think it shows that he was engaging in behaviors that many would consider more Western than his followers would have believed.”

Already, there have been many people who believe these photos were created using photoshop and could not have shown the late Al-Qaeda leader.

“We believe that these photographs were made using American computer by Americans wanting to disgrace the name of Osama,” we were told by Mohammed Al Reebi, owner of a small wool stand in Abbottabad, Pakistan. “These pictures, they are not of things good Muslims would do.”

“These photos are 100% accurate of the final moment of his life, and show that he was into some rather serious kink, even by American standards,” Maplewood told us when asked.

Since the photos have been released, sales of handcuffs, white scarves and leather outfits have increased world wide.

Annabel Lee is a freelance journalist with the Baltimore Fake Times Journal. She likes big butts and will not lie. She also parties like it’s 1999, by hiding under her bed from Y2K.

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