Thursday, May 26, 2011

NFL Lockout Officially Ends

New York City, NY - The NFL announced today that they have opened the doors to their facilities for their players and have allowed them in to practice, learn playbooks and run drills. What the NFL forgot to tell the players is that the doors only open from the outside. The NFL has instituted a good old-fashioned lock in. 

Due to the lock in, we were unable to get in contact with any of the players to find out what they’re saying and thinking. The owners have shut down and blocked all cell phone and internet connections in the building, meaning that Twitter has experienced a 90% drop in Tweets in the past few hours since the lock in started.

The NFL refused to comment when asked about the lock in and their reasoning for it. We can only speculate the owners are attempting with this stunt. Our top guess is starting a muscular food source for owners who have grown tired of caviar and steaks.

If the owners think this is the next step in having an NFL season for 2011, they need to figure out a solution to the lock in, rather than the lock out.

Annabel Lee is a freelance journalist for the Baltimore Fake Times Journal. She remembers a lock in at the YMCA where they served orange juice and Oreo cookies, then showed old monster movies.

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