Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Internet Now Used For..... Cats?

Eugene, OR - Researchers at the University of Oregon announced today that videos of cute cats and kittens had replaced pornography as the top source of internet usage.

“Between YouTube and other viral video sites, adorable cats are easier than ever to find. Combine that with the LOLCat phenomenon and you easily have cats replace naked pictures and sexy videos both in sheer volume and in page hits per day,” stated Dr. Hans Gardenshire, head of the research team. 

“We believe this has been an event that has been in the making since the recession started in 2008. With fewer people having money for porn, they are looking for free ways to pass the time. One can only play so many hours of Bejeweled before they get bored with it. LOLCats are a cute and family friendly way to pass the time.”

Another researcher, Dr. Anita Wauksing, added, “There are more and more children accessing the internet through their parents computers, school libraries and cell phones. They are drawn to content that is more age appropriate, and young animals fit that need in young humans. To a seven year old, a cat ninja is epic on a scale of finding $100 in an old pair of jeans to a parent.”

The study will be published in full in this months issue of Internet For Morons Magazine.

Annabel Lee is a freelance journalist with the Baltimore Fake Times Journal. She has a Ph.D. in horribleness, and another in faking interest.

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