Washington, DC - During the White House Correspondent’s Dinner on Saturday night, Comedian Seth Meyers made a joke, claiming that Real Estate Mogul Donald Trump’s hair was really a fox glued to his head. Afterwards, there was an uproar as the fox gave an exclusive statement to the Baltimore Fake Times Journal.
The fox walked over to the correspondent, clearly despondent by what had occurred during President Obama’s comedy routine. Seth Meyers added to the foxes frustration, who asked to be called Whispers. Whispers informed us that much of the information that was said during the event was misinterpreted, or factually incorrect.
“I am not dead, nor am I glued to Trump’s head,” Whispers whispered. “I’m very much alive, and I have made a nest up there thanks to a warm environment. There is never a shortage of hot air to power all of my electronic devices.”
Whispers continued to say that he met Mr. Trump during a trip to Macy’s where he was acting as the scarf to a wealthy woman from Connecticut. During the shopping trip, he moved from the woman’s neck onto Mr. Trump’s head, curling up for a nap. He says he only leaves when it is bedtime, and for a week each year when he goes to visit his family in Vermont.
“I think most people pick on Mr. Trump’s hair, but really, it’s insulting. They’re really making fun of my hair. I work really hard to keep my hair looking full and lush.” Whispers then spoke about how he maintains his fur with human tears and breast milk.
When asked about what people need to know, he replied simply, “foxes are people too”. So, next time you see someone with a fox fur toupee, make sure that the person doesn’t have a real fox on their head.
Annabel Lee is a freelance reporter for the Baltimore Fake Times Journal. She is a graduate of some school she went to, and likes to take showers.