Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Canadians Fleeing To Mexico

El Paso, TX - Maria Gomez walked out of her single family home on Rivera Drive at 7:20 P.M. last night to a bizarre sight. Standing in her yard were a group of Canadian immigrants, making their way to Mexico.

“I came outside to take out the trash after supper, and there they were. Three tall white people in hockey jerseys speaking French to one another. When they saw me looking at them, they took off running,” she told reporters.

David Alvarez, spokesman for the El Paso Police Department, stated that this was not unusual in this part of the country. “We have maybe 50 people a year sneak in to Mexico from the United States on their way to a better vacation and tan. Typically, we try and stop them before they leave and have them attend some Dallas Stars games. Unfortunately, we weren’t able to stop this group before they crossed.”

We called Immigration and Customs Enforcement for their figures on the number of Canadians sneaks in to America on their way to Mexico. The individual who answered our phone laughed repeatedly before hanging up on us.

“How can I continue to raise my children in a neighborhood where people wear jerseys, speak French and drink milk from a bag? How do I explain this to my children? Where was the US Government to prevent this from happening,” Gomez said to our own Annabel Lee via telephone.

“We just can’t catch them all. They aren’t like pocket monsters from Japan. They’re living, breathing people like you and I,” asked when pressed for a follow up.

If you see a Canadian, please call ICE immediately. Do not approach them. Do not talk to them about Wayne Gretzky nor the Montreal Canadians. This is for your own safety.

Annabel Lee is a freelance reporter for the Baltimore Fake Times Journal. She has more cats than college degrees. One time, she came in second in a Dance Like An Idiot Contest.

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